How About Me?

It is now the second year.

I never heard anything about me. Nobody ever asked about me, about my wellbeing. Whether I'm okay or not, or have I been doing well, and whatnot. Why? What? Must I be okay all the time? I shouldnt have any feelings other than being strong and okay? Have it ever crossed your mind that I do have a feeling? Have it ever crossed your mind that I am a human? You have no idea that I have been trying to be strong and okay and portraying that I am doing well. It is because nobody ever care. Everything is all about others. Not me. It is always them, them, and them. Me? 

NACCOL and Me

Izinkan saya bercerita. 

+-800 hari. 

Alhamdulillah untuk sekitar 800 hari sebagai Sekretariat. Banyak sangat yang dipelajari sepanjang tempoh itu. Bermula pada tahun 2021, dan masih direzekikan sehingga hari ini. Secara jujur, tempoh 800 hari itu adalah tempoh yang sangat lama. Membuka ruang kepada terlalu banyak perkara demi melengkapkan sebuah cerita. 

It is NACCOL. Apa tu NACCOL? Frankly, that was my first time I heard about it. Since the day I got the offer, slowly I learn about working industry, and slowly climbing up my career journey. Banyak perkara dipelajari dan ditimba, sama banyak dengan tangisan dan tawa. 

I can still remember. At the moment I started working, it was still during the PKP. People are not allowed to work at the office as it might lead to a new cluster. Then again, masih diberi kesempatan untuk berada di pejabat secara fizikal memandangkan ada mesyuarat penting pada ketika itu. Bayangkan, dah lah baru masuk. Ada mesyuarat penting pulak tu. Oh God. What is it waiting and written for me here? That was Mesyuarat Peringkat Eksekutif NACCOL, chaired by the Minister of KPDN (was KPDNHEP before).

I can say, that it was only a teaser. There's more waiting for me. 

Few months later, ada event besar. They called it as Symposium on Cost of Living 2021 or SCOL2021. I didnt know how big it is. A clueless Alia, I just follow what they do, and what was assigned to me. I can say, that was the first event for me. And, Alhamdulillah. Tugasan Keurusetiaan pertama berjalan lancar. 

Kemudian, 2022 pun datang. Hah! First quarter was good. Second quarter until half of third quarter, I went crazy. After that dah slow down a bit, dah boleh terima dengan apa yang jadi, dah boleh adapt dengan apa yang perlu dibuat. What a roller coaster of 2022. 365 hari je. Tapi bermacam perkara jadi. Mula dengan mesyuarat sebulan sekali dengan Menteri, tiba-tiba ada mesyuarat seminggu dua kali dengan another Menteri. Ada pulak another mesyuarat yang kalau ikut terma rujukan, setahun dua kali je. Tapi beliau nak jumpa dua atau tiga bulan sekali. Itu Perdana Menteri waktu itu. 

Oh. Bukan tu saja. Dalam pada ada mesyuarat seminggu dua kali tu, ada juga kerja-kerja ad-hoc lain dan deadline yang perlu dikejar. Dan dalam banyak perkara yang jadi tu, banyak juga perkara yang dipelajari. Dari situlah belajar to stay alert dengan issues related to our portfolio, to communicate, networking, stay in touch with people, to keep calm di saat keadaan keliling tengah macam dikejar zombi, untuk bersabar dengan kerenah dan permintaan manusia yang pelbagai. In short, I cried, I mad, I laugh, I chill. 

And then here comes 2023. First quarter je dah mula boom! Pegi kerja pagi, balik kerja malam. Outstation sana sini, mesyuarat sana sini. Rumah dah jadi hotel. Setiap bulan ada kerja luar. Kalau takde kerja luar, ada task/ mesyuarat yang menuntut untuk stay back office. Thought 2022 was hard enough, but 2023 offered similar. Banyak program, banyak tugas, banyak drama. Malaysia ada 14 negeri. Dalam masa setahun, dah jejak 13 negeri (kecuali Perak). Walaupun penat, it was a cherishable experience. I might not get what I went through anywhere else. Pengalaman yang sangat mahal. Di sini start get to speak to those in the higher position. Gen-Director, Deputy Sec-Gen, Ministers, even the Prime Minister pun ada ruang to speak with him casually. 

Overall, it was a wonderful memories and impactful experience. I would like to convey my gratitute to the top management of Secretariat NACCOL for the opportunity, advises, lessons, cares and loves given. The hashtag that I always use; #majulahnaccoluntuknegara. Semoga NACCOL terus bangun dan maju untuk menangani kos sara hidup rakyat. Semoga terus-terusan membanggakan rakyat Malaysia. ❤

Random Update

Hewwu, guys.! Ssup? Salomz.

How are youuuu? It has been a while I'm not writing here. I'm doing good for the past months. Living and cherishing the days that get in my way. 

So, how was I? How am I? Hm. It's half of the year. And it has been about 4 months since I last wrote something here? I went through a lot, I can say. Like really a lot. Work-wise, circle-wise, emotional-wise. But I am so thankful to everyone in my circle sebab hadap je my random rant. All those rants are to keep me sane, okay? 

Really. Random betul tiba-tiba send a text bgtau penat kerja lah, mental cant take it anymore lah, feels like crying my heart out lah, and many more. For real, those were random. Sebab taktau nak cerita dekat sape en, so I just text anybody I feels like to. 

Eh actually, it has been a while since I last had a solid crying session. Recently bila nak nangis, dapat kejap je. Lepastu back to my normal activities. I am in need of that one time crying session instead of bersedih every day, tapi sekejap-sekejap. Tak best! Hahahah. 

I dont know what to write, actually. Cuma nak gunakan this platform to thank everybody for helping me keep my sanity in good condition. I owe you guys big time. I love you so much! 

2331_23072022

CONGRATULATIONS, DEARSELF!

Hewwu Assalamualaikum!

As you can see from the title, I JUST GRADUATED! Graduated as in being celebrated with a convocation ceremony. Yay! Grad yang habis study tu tahun lepas. Supposedly the convocation is last year as well. But nevermind. I'm taking this opportunity to thank everyone involves in the journey. As well as putting the pictures here for memories. So here we begin! 💪

daripada

"Yaa, awak sambung master kat MMU gak eh?"

kepada

"Dah baca ke case stdy?"

"Faham tak theory ni?"

"Papers lecturer bg dh go through ke?"

"TAKFAHAM LAH ASSIGNMENT NI PASAL APA?!"

"Apa outcome subject ni untuk kita eh?"

"Thesis dah start banyak mana dah?"

"Chapter 2 panjang mana?"

"NAD TAK JUMPA SAMPAI SEPULUH PUNNN FRAMEWORK NADDD!!"

"Nak copy paste je boleh tak?"

"NAK QUIT PLEASE!"

"Kita send sesama, Yaa!"
and the rest is history

Known her since Alpha year, took different path during UGRD due to difference of courses and major. Back for PGRD, and stuck for the whole journey?! Hahahah. Thank you so much, Nadhirah! For everything that we went through. We literally grow together. Daripada tak rapat, jadi rapat. Daripada awkward, jadi selesa. Daripada 'we in touch only for study matter' sampai boleh cerita about other things jugak. I'm so glad for knowing you, even prouder to grow together with you. Congratulations for your achievements! You did amazing. Despite the countless times of saying you want to quit, you managed to get everything done. I'm so proud of you! 

"I didnt get you a sunflower, but I got you a sunflower seed instead."

Ini kuaci. I told this person that I want sunflower, but I wasnt serious. Look at thisssss. Random dan rare betul bagi kuaci. Orang bagi coklat lah time convo! 

Anyways, thank you for everything, you. Since day 1. I am really grateful for knowing you. I owe you big time, brader. And congratulations for your achievements. Looking forward to watch you get on the stage soon. 

This is tulip. The person giving me this was not in the journey, witnessing my struggles. But still wants to congratulate me. Hehehe. Thank you. For being proud of me. You might have no idea for what I went through, but you have faith in me in getting my Master's degree. Thank you! I really appreciated it. 

Missing: Kak Suki, Haziq, Dian, Fong

Our ws group name is 'Me Busy Always'. Sebab apa? Our Accounting lecturer during first semester said that MBA does not stands for Master of Business Administration. It is Me Busy Always. And PhD didnt stands for Philosophy Doctorate. It is 'Permanent Head Damage'. Sangat begitu ya, rakan-rakan. Kami memang busy ever since the 3rd week of first semester. At the end of the first semester, sikit lagi punya pressure kita tak rupa orang dah. Second semester? Adapted and adapting with the environment. But it was better than the first semester. Keadaan menjadi zombi tu tak teruk, rakan-rakan. Zombi tetap zombi, takboleh lari. Breakdown, rasa nak quit, tetap ada. BUT WE DID IT! 

Anyway, terima kasih untuk segalanya, rakan-rakan saya. I'm glad that our path crossed. Thank you for growing with me. They taught me a lot. Like so much! I'm looking forward for your turn to get on the stage, receiving your scroll. 

I would like to deliver an appreciation to everyone involves throughout the entire journey. Be it directly or indirectly. Sangat terhutang budi dengan kalian. Thank you for all the motivations and spirit booster, thank you for witnessing my "nak quit laaaaaa." moments, for lending me your ears and shoulder whenever I feels like crying, for helping me with my assignments and papers, for participating as my sample data. Ahh, FOR EVERYTHING!

Thank you so much! I wouldnt be here today without your support. I wouldnt be able to finish my paper without you, I might drop-out and quit in the middle of the journey. But look at me. I'm here. It is all because of you, every one of you. I didnt quit. I manage to get it done, be on the stage, get my scroll. You are proud of me? 

Lastly, I dedicated this achievement to this person, the strongest pillar in my life. Mama Angah, I did it! This one is for you both. Terima kasih untuk segalanya. 

31032022_0039

F You.

I am disappointed. 

I cannot digest what you said. Really. 

Apa, youu? You dont remember what happened? Apaaa? I tak faham. Kenapa eh? I serious taktau nak digest macam mana all that you said. You tak ingat apa jadi, you tak faham why I treat it as a big issue. Eh, I lagi tak faham dengan you, dengan your behavior, tau. 

You hurt me for years, you cheat me, ignored me, ghosted me. You come to me whenever you want, and live as if nothing is happening. Then the next day you repeat the cycle. Pegi dekat orang lain, lebihkan orang lain, dan biarkan I menunggu you macam orang bodoh. Apa ni? I tak faham. You dah buat macam-macam kot. Tapi I masih dekat situ, menunggu. Berharap you akan datang kepada I. Tapi apa I dapat? You taknampak pun I. Sekilas pun you tak pandang I. You ajar I to live my days without you. You ajar I untuk bangun sendiri kalau I jatuh. You ajar I untuk tak berharap pada you. 

On the day I decided to walk away, you didnt do anything pun. You didnt put any effort to make me stay. You didnt fight. You just let it be. Tapi, do you know what's worst? You have the audacity to call me 'sampah' just because I dumped you. You called me 'sampah' just because I told you that I have somebody else. Five years of waiting just to be called as trash. F you. 

January 2020

Google Photos reminded me of these. 

The picture was taken on 15 January 2020. Our final paper. Like finals final before focusing on our final year project (FYP). 

It has been 2 years, tau. I have no idea. Soooo fast. 

And I survived that approximately 2 years of leaving school. (sebab dah 2 years gak kita ber-covid). 

It's not an easy journey. Not at first in the beginning, not at all till the end. Writing a thesis, in the midst of MCO, not allowed to go out living as usual, not be able to meet the acquaintance physically. And I survived. 

The ups and downs during the period were un-explain-able. Countless times of crying and breakdown, lost, lose of interest, feels like quitting study. Depressed in short. And I made it, at the end of the day. I finished my thesis, I submitted it. I have graduated. Please someone congratulate me and tell me that you are proud of me. Because I am. :')

Lastly, congratulations to my mates! We did it. :')

Closure, please?

 SALAM SATU NOVEMBER!

*tiberr*

Assalamualaikum dan hai. 

Apa khabar semorang? Oke ke tu? Harap semua semakin baik-lah dengan keadaan sekarang. 

Harini rasa nak menulis sebab aku ada satu persoalan yang dah lamaaaaa membelenggu fikiran aku. Aku taktau nak tanya siapa or nak refer siapa. Tujuan aku tulis dekat sini pun sebab aku nak benda ni get out of my head. The more aku simpan, the more benda ni mengganggu aku. Jadi kepada kalian yang membaca, cuba bagi buah fikiran sikit lepas ni eh? 😁 

Let's begin, that I was in an unhealthy relationship before. I am firm that we didnt end the relationship with a good term. We both left each other without any closure on what/where we went wrong. In the beginning, I tried to hold on. Not giving a chance to let it go, or giving up. I tried to gain his attention. But he didnt get it. He let his eyes and mind on others. I believe, I did ask him what does he want. I ask him whether he want the relationship to end, or did he lost interest in me. And none of the questions get its answer. Not even a solid answer. I would say, I was left hanging. 

He did so much, yet so many chances were given to him. He could go days of not talking to me, and the next day he come to me as if nothing happen. Another day he would ghosts me again, and then come to talk to me the next day. With me being a stupid fella, the circle goes on for years. What a waste of time. Hah! 

One day, something happened to me that make me down to the lowest point of my life. You guess it right, he wasnt there to comfort me. That was the point that knock the sense in my head. I decided to walk away, similar way as he did to me before. It just that I ignored him for days, not even a moment I entertain his call or texts. Until he gave up. 

A year later, he came back to ask for closure on what happened that make me avoiding him. Alia kan baik. Layan kan aje. Hahahah. For almost a year jugak lah layan dia balik. Throughout that one year of 'getting back', nampaknya beliau tidak berubah ya. Semacam masih sama dengan beliau yang dulu. Hm. Takpelah. Layan je lahh. Tak fikir jodoh pun, fikir nak berkawan je. Maka saya pun membiarkan perkara itu. Just follow the flow omputeh kataa. 

Long story short, I decided to actually walk away from his life. Without having a talk with him, I just left. My decision of walking out of that 'relationship' was due to my own health, mental health especially. Weh, penat weh berperang dengan diri sendiri nak jaga relationship padahal the other party bolayan je. Mampos! 

So, I'm off from any relationship, thinking to heal myself. It has been 2 or 3 years? Tetapi nampaknya macam tak heal eh? Sebab masih memikirkan hal ni. 😅 Takpelah. I'm good, anyways. Hahaha. 

(Disclaimer: this is just one-sided story. Not even a full-length story.) 

p/s: If you read this, I leave it to you to decide nak bagi closure or not. You didnt owe me any explanation. :)

**

Tak. I tipu. I really need you to explain it to me. I really wish for you to make me understand what and why you do what you did. 

01112021_1900

August Update

Hewwu ssup guys! 

You good or no good? I hope you good, lah eh? Challenging time but I guess everybody is numb already with the current situation. I might sound ignorant, but for god sake I dont know what to think anymore. Let us just focus on ourself and our circle, okey? For those that are not affected, let's be grateful and not throwing any negativity outside. For those that affected, I pray that God give you strength, to go through everything. May the best be with you, someday. :)

It's August alreadyyyy! 2022 is approaching in few months. Tiba-tiba dah nak tahun baru dah padiaaaa niii. I am still can not digesting what had happened, though it happens anyways. Everything is so sudden. Tiba-tiba dah 2020. Tiba-tiba kita semua terima perintah berkurung. Tiba-tiba semuanya dah tak sama macam semalam. Missing the old days. Missing the old routine, activities and all. May all this get over soon, soonest possible. 

Oh, new month right. New milestone for me! I got a job. First job, I guess? Right after I submitted my MBA thesis, I got a job interview. Me being me. Aku taktau lah bila aku akan nampak yakin bila jumpa orang. Benci betul! But yaa. I secured a job. Though it just a 6-months-contract job, it still a job. At least I got to do something to earn an income. I need to look for other jobs eventually, but let's take this as a stepping stone to polish my skills in the working industry. 

Talking about the experience so far, I am not sure how to tell you. Since the entire country is going through a full lockdown, I reported duty online. Hahahah funny. At first I thought I wouldnt get to go to the office maybe one or two months. But I went to the office once a week on July since the department was organizing an important meeting almost every week. Maybe it is because its July, mid of the year. As one of the staff, I was assigned to handle the logistics and administrative work for the meeting purpose. So I got the chance to go to the office and meet the other colleague physically, face-to-face. Though it is not everyone but it's good, I guess. So the first week went by. Then come the second week, another big meeting coming in, another days of coming to the office. And July end. 

I'm good so far. With the works and assignments. It just that I only performing a job when there is an assignment. No assignment means no job. No job means nothing to do. Nothing to do means? Waiting for jobs lah. Hahahah. But based on colleagues, it is the culture of the department. If there is no job, everyone just sit there, waiting for a job. Now there is arahan to work in the office alternately, some more. Melepak je laaa kat ofis tu bila takde kerja. Sumpah tak reti siaa. Aku dah biasa sibuk-sibuk, ada banyak benda to handle on my plate. Tiba-tiba ada sikit je kerja. Nak cari kerja pun tak tau nak mintak kat sape. Masa wfh, taktau nak approach sape mintak kerja. Masa bdp, takde orang pulak kat ofis nak buat mintak kerja. Hahahah. Takpelah. Memang ini pun jobscope nya. Lol. 

I'm signing out. Thank you for reading, guys. See you when I see you.

0118_10082021

Half of 2021.

 Assalamualaikum and hi everyone. 

Hope you guys are doing good and standing strong. 

It's July. Half of the year has gone by. How was it for you? Is it great? Or struggling? I believe everyone is struggling hard. To survive, to breathe, to peacefully live. Keep going, everyone. It is challenging, I know. But I want you to keep going ahead. If you are tired, get some rest and catch a breath. I know we are all done with what is happening right now that is slowly killing us inside. But I have nothing to tell you other than to be patient and still, keep going on. Hard, yet nothing else we could do. The fact that we got to survive until today, is great enough. We should be proud of that. "Celebrate small win," people said. 🙆

It's a brand new month. I'm leaving everything behind. All that has happened, and looking forward to what to be served to me in the future. To begin a story, I have submitted my thesis the other day. I managed to get it done for about 1 year and a half. Others might be able to finish it within the time period which is 6 months. But for me, it was a struggling period. The fact that I got to get everything done has made me proud of myself. The fact that I managed to survive this whole MBA journey, is making me speechless. All the crying episodes, breakdown sampai berhenti tepi jalan just to cry, restless days and sleepless nights. Wehhhh. Please tell me that you are proud of me, because I am. 😅 And of course. I wouldnt be where I am today without the support from my batchmate and friends. Supportive terokx ah semorang.Congrats sebab mampu survive sampai harini. I'm so proud of us. 

I'm going to talk a lot when I get the results later. Hahaha. Sayounara, minna! 

01072021_2300

Saya Telah Divaksinasi!

 Assalamualaikum. 

Good day, everyone! 😂 It has been a while. How are you guysssss? I hope everybody is doing good and well. Despite current situation, pandemic, lockdown, yada yada. 

As for today, I decided to write in my native language, instead of English. Jadi, ayuh! 

Seperti yang tertera sebagai tajuk, saya telah pun divaksinasi! Saya telah terima dos pertama saya bagi vaksin bernama AstraZeneca, atau AZ sebagai singkatan, pada 1 Jun yang lalu. Proses dan pengalaman dalam mendapatkan vaksin itu sangatlah lancar dan teratur. Ada beberapa artikel yang dibaca di ruangan sosial, katanya ada yang perlu beratur panjang selama berjam, ada yang tidak dibenarkan masuk ke ruangan vaksinasi atas sebab-sebab tertentu, dan sebagainya. Tetapi, Alhamdulillah, apa yang saya alami sangatlah menyenangkan. 

Temujanji saya adalah pada jam 6 petang, dan saya sampai di tempat kejadian lebih kurang setengah jam awal. Semuanya boleh dianggap mudah daripada pintu masuk sehinggalah ke dewan pemberian vaksinasi. Ada banyak papan tanda sebagai petunjuk, jadi saya rasa tiada masalah tersesat atau tidak jumpa jalan ke dewan vaksinasi. Sesampainya di kawasan dewan, saya dapati tempat meletakkan kenderaan yang disediakan juga cukup untuk menampung semua kenderaan penerima vaksin kerana tempatnya begitu luas. Saya tak pasti atas konteks kapasiti berapa banyak kereta boleh ditempatkan dalam satu masa, tapi ianya juga tidak akan menimbulkan masalah yang besar. 

Seterusnya adalah proses pendaftaran di mana saya merasakan banyak bantuan yang diberikan daripada sukarelawan dan anggota RELA bertugas. Mereka akan membantu memberitahu apa yang perlu dilakukan dan menunjukkan stesen-stesen yang perlu anda pergi. Oh, bagi satu-satu stesen, saya rasa ia tidak mengambil terlalu lama daripada masa anda semua kerana tempatnya besar dan kaunter bagi sesebuah stesen juga banyak. Selepas daftar, kita akan diarahkan untuk ke stesen konsultasi di mana kita akan bertemu dengan seorang doktor bagi mendengar taklimat dan nasihat mereka mengenai vaksin yang akan kita perolehi itu. Ketika itu, ambillah peluang itu untuk tanya sebanyak mana soalan dan ajukan keraguan anda supaya anda semua jelas mengenai vaksin COVID19 ini. 

Selepas itu? Masa untuk suntikan! Ada beberapa kubikel yang disediakan sebagai ruangan suntikan. Maka tiada masalah di situ. Mudah dan pantas. Anda tunggu untuk beberapa ketika sehingga tiba giliran anda dan ada ruangan yang kosong, anda boleh masuk dan dapatkan suntikan. Ha. Dekat sini. Untuk yang takut jarum, mungkin pada awal tu akan rasa cuak sedikit. Tapi bila dah dicucuk, tak rasa dah pun. Sekejap sangat masa untuk suntikan tu. 😅 Lepas suntikan, kita akan diarahkan ke stesen pemantauan di mana kita perlu berada di situ samada 15 atau 30 minit. Ianya bertujuan untuk memberi ruang bagi badan kita menerima vaksin tersebut. Sepanjang tempoh itu, sekiranya ada gejala signifikan yang anda rasakan, mudah untuk kita mendapatkan bantuan pihak bertugas. Nanti kalau dah sampai rumah, payah pulak nak dipantau, betul? 😬 Tetapi, untuk saya ketika itu, saya tidak merasakan apa-apa yang signifikan. Jadi saya okay je. Hahaha. 

Sudah selesai semua itu, kita akan dibenarkan untuk pulang dan lakukan pantauan kendiri. Ada nasihat yang diberikan untuk pantau selama 3 hari sekurang-kurang. Dalam tempoh itu, katanya normal untuk mengalami demam, sakit badan, sakit kepala dan seerti dengannya. Tetapi kalau lebih 3 hari, kita perlu ke klinik dan dapatkan rawatan secepatnya. Kalau tak ada, anda hebat! Gejala yang saya alami? Lain masa, lain hari kita cerita. Sebab rasa macam dah panjang. Serupa karangan Bahasa Malaysia SPM pula. 

Okie, semua? Terima kasih kerana sudi singgah dan baca blog saya. Jumpa lagi! 👋

14062021_2346

Happy Birthday to You!

 This post is dedicated for you. ((As if you gonna found my blog. Hahah.))

It is 27th of April, today. Your birthday, right? Happy birthday to you! I wish for eternal happiness and Allah's blessing for you. You deserves it. Thank you for being my friend. ((Friend ke? Hahahah.)) 

Thank you for everything. For every single thing. Really, I am thankful for that. A single thanks is not enough to show how grateful I am for knowing you. I dont know how to display it, but that's how I feel. For every advices, for every of my rant that you listen, for every moment that we spent. Thank you for existing. Though it is just temporary. But it is enough for me. 

I'm sorry for everything. Sorry for being mad at you. Sorry for scolding you. Sorry for hitting you. Hahaha. I'm sorry for all my wrongdoings. I always try to not have those kind of negative emotion. Tapi banyak kali je terlepas jugak. For that, I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry. 

Semoga segala urusan awak lepasni dipermudahkan. :) 

p/s: I'm out of words actually but all I know is to thank you. Again, thank you. For everything. For existing. May the best be with you. 

1316_27042021

Milestone.

 Assalamualaikum and hi everyone!

I hope you guys are having a great day today. 

So the other day, I got to attend my first ever formal job interview with this one company. It is a 2:1 interview session where there is 2 panels of interviewer, and only me as the interviewee at that moment. During the session, one of the interviewer said that I was the last candidates of the day. Knowing myself, that fact kind of making me feels discouraged as the benchmark is already set. But nevermind, life must go on!

It was a fruitful session, I can say. I learn a lot from the interviewer especially on how to ensure I exposed myself more with bravery in embracing the opportunity given to me. It is a waste if we didnt actually taking advantage and fully utilizing whatever comes to us in order to polish ourself to be come better. 

I am glad that I got to attend the interview session though it was a very short duration. There is this one question that makes me re-think and re-evaluate myself. It is "if you are given the choices to choose between doing marketing and selling, or be at the back office as in the administration and whatnot, which one will you choose?" I only gave a short answer. But I think it could be a stage for me to express myself more. It happened, anyway. 

After quite some times, it makes me think back about what I had experienced back then when I was the cinema crew at GSCCLM. It is true that I prefer to be at the back, instead of interacting with many, many people. But, I dont want to be at the back forever. During the earlier days of me working as cinema crew, I was assigned to handle front counter in which providing customer services and entertaining customer's inquiry is our main job. It is frustrating that, for quite some times, I didnt performed well, as well as I am expected to, yet my superior still asked me to be at the front. 

I am always reluctant whenever I am asked to be at the front. I always think that I cant do it. But, since it is part of my job, I pushed myself to do it. Day by day, I can say that I'm not performing well. My biggest mistake is that I didnt achieve the sales target. If you asked me, I do asked my colleague and my superior, how should I do it, how to convince the customer to buy it? I really did what they told me to do in order to improve myself. For example, to observe how the top achiever do it. I tried to follow, yet I still failed. It is demotivating that I do not receive proper guidance on how and what should I do. Do you know how frustrating it is that you keep on thinking how are you supposed to perform everyday? Before you come to work, after you get off your work. Every single day, yet you still failed? 

Despite all this, me being myself, I still follow what they asked me to do and didnt voiced out my frustration. If I could turn back time, I wish I will be more brave to ask them on how should I improve myself especially when I am in the front. Even be more brave to voice out whatever that is not satisfy me. 

Back to the interview session, I believe in Allah. Kalau Dia kata, itu rezeki aku to build my career and myself, Alhamdulillah. I will take that opportunity to polish myself, enhance my knowledge and skills. On top of all, to build myself to be a better me in the future. Kalau bukan rezeki, I am glad that enough that I get to that stage, which is the interview itself. I'm glad that I get to meet the interviewers, someone with much experiences compared to me. I believe I do learn something from there. Thank you, Puan Fadzilah and Encik Aziz. 

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Nothing much. Just an update.

 Haluu samlekomm semorang!

Lama doh tak nulis sini kan? Konon berazam nak menulis sebulan sekali. Hahahah. Entahlah. Nak kata busy, macam lah busy sangat. Cuma taktau je nak blogging pasal apa. Lol. Cakap macam ada je yang baca engko punya blog ni. Poyo! 

So geng? Amacam? How is life treating you nowadays? You good, tak? I hope everyone is doing very very very well. Me? Hm. My life is as usual kot? Still with my thesis. Still going through this PKP after PKP. My health? It goes up and down. Ada masa it really kicks you until you fall down. Ada masa, rasa motivated gila for everything. I dont know lah. I'm missing our old, normal days. Where I got to go out whenever I want, doing works or meeting friends as I please. But now. Everything should be planned. Cannot impromptu sangat. Ah, poyo! As if. 

Tapi, to be honest, ada lah rasa macam, 'hm lantaklah semua'. Rasa malas dah  nak fikir dengan PKP ni semua kan. Selfish ke eh begini? I feel like I'm done with everything. Let just go with the flow. What happened, happens. Kan? 

Ha dah. Malas pulak membebel pepanjang. Sayounara, minna!

#nadiahelmi

 Assalamualaikum!

Hi, guys! How are y'all doing? Alhamdulillah, I'm doing good. Still standing strong, despite all those that happened. I am still manage to smile, not letting any negativity dragging me down. :)

So, today is October 14. Just so you know that yesterday, Oct 13 was the day my brother got married to the love of his life. After 5 years of knowing each other, they finally tied the knot yesterday. 

Actually, they are supposed to be together on Oct 24. However, due to the sudden announcement of CMCO 2.0, both parties (the bride and the groom) decided to just nikah yesterday. As long the wajib one has been settled, everyone is good. The ceremony is postponed to a later date. Besides that, ince it was just a nikah ceremony, the only people attending it was us, the closest family. Alhamdulillah, everything went well. 

***

To Alang,

Congratulations on your wedding. Selamat bercinta sampai syurga. I pray that you are able to lead your spouse until Jannah. I believe that. Though that you already have a wife, I am still your little baby. Dont forget that. Heheheh. Please pamper me, more. I dont care. Jaga Nadia elok-elok. Lead her well. Be a great husband, and a great father soon. You are a good brother to me. You've done your best, so far. Thank you for everything that you have done. 

To Nadia, 

Welcome to the family. Semoga dengan kehadiran awak, keluarga kita bertambah lagi meriahnya. We might be awkward at first. But, no worries. Time flies. I believe, we'll get through the awkwardness later on. Hehehe. Feed Helmi more, okay. Gemukkan dia, please. Congratulations, too. 

***

For you guys that has been waiting, here's the pictures. Enjoy!

Nikah, the moment he shook hand with his future dad-in-law

After 'sah!' Chop, he looks like Atok in this picture

Reading of taklik

Our family!

The big family

Both side's parents

The couple and the kids

Oke, dah cukup. Hehehe. Congratulations to the newlywed couple. Barakallahu lakuma wabaraka 'alaikuma wajama 'abainakuma fi khair. 

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**0040_24102020

For You

 Aung, 

This year you will turn 35. But you are not with us anymore. You are far away from us, at someplace way better than this dunia. I believe you are doing good over there, while watching us. 

Aung, 

I misses you. Always. I still could not get over the fact that you are not here, living in the same world. I dont like the fact that whenever people ask, I tell them that I only have four siblings now. I hate the fact that my 'aung' is not with me anymore. I hate that I still cry whenever I think of you, of our final moment together. 

Aung,

Alang is getting married soon. I bet if you are still here, you will be as busy as you were during Kakak's time. You will be busy managing this and that to ensure everything will go smoothly. You will be busy asking Mama about the preparation. You will give advice about this and that as we are not really experienced in handling weddings. 

You must be very happy, kan Aung, that Alang is finally settling down with the love of his life. You must be very proud that Alang is finally taking over a huge responsibility, and be a man, soon. You know, Angah is happy, too. Eventhough he is quite sad that Alang is overtaking his turn, but I'm sure he is so proud of him. Dont ask about me. Hahaha. I am beyond happy. 

Aung,

Thank you for everything you have done for us. Thank you for everything! I am sorry that I am not yet a great adik for you and others. Believe me, I am still learning. Learning to live, to survive in this world. And I am still learning to be the best achu for your kids (Emir, Sarra, and Umar), as well as Kakak's kids (Syifa' and Khalid). 

You know, Emir is a big boy now. He is very responsible, taking care of his adiks. Sarra, too. Even sometimes they are too annoyed with Umar's behavior. Hahaha. Kids, kan? Umar is very manja. Manja with everyone. Oh, he cant live without beyblade, brother. Kak Cha said he will ask her to buy new beyblade everyday without realising that his beyblade is two bags full, already. 

Oke, enough, lah. I dont want to be sad. Let us be happy. Hahah. Semoga syurga untuk Aung. Aminn. 

07092020_1715

Alone?

Heyya!

Have you guys ever experience the situation where you are comfortably being alone, having little to no one to talk to every day. Then, suddenly there's someone try to crash in your bubble, try to be friend with you, check on you frequently, until you feel overwhelmed with the feelings of having a FRIEND? And then, one day, that one friend is busy with their personal matter, with their things. Being busy until they forget to check on you? How do you feel? 

I feel sad. I dont know why. But it is upsetting. And I feel frustrated / disappointed as well. Disappointed with my self for letting all that to happen as I already know that people are not going to be by your side as frequent as you want. They have their life. They have their things to do. I know I am not supposed to feel this way. But... Hm. 

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Duduk Rumah!

Haluuuu!

We are currently under 'Movement Control Order' due to the pandemic outbreak, CoVID-19. We are not allowed to go out, unless necessary. Not allowed to cross the state border. Some are not allowed to even go to work, unless it is an essential job. Most of the shop are close, except the essential one such as supermarket. The one that is really important that if it is closed, people will be in trouble. Supposedly the MCO end today, 31032020. But, due to any circumstance, it has been extended. Until April, 14.

Let us all pray for the best, pray that all this will end soon. And everything is back to normal.

Not to forget, to take this event as a trigger to reflect ourself. On what has we neglected, or take for granted before. Let us learn to be more appreciative (is there such word, huh?).

Finally, I take this opportunity to thank all the front-liners, that struggle to save lives, that sacrifice themselves for a better situation. Thank you. We got this. You work for us, we stay at home for you. We are in this together. #KitaJagaKita, remember?

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MBA? Me-Busy-Always '19

Heyya!

What's up?

Assalamualaikum. 

We are in 2020 already. What is your achievement so far? We used to have that vision and goals that we want to achieve in 2020, right? School's vision, business firms, etcetera. Have we achieve that? Or almost touching it? Though the current vision has been brought forward to 2030 (or 2050, eh?), I believe every one is doing their (read: our) best to achieve the goals. Keep moving forward. Don't give up!

It's 2020. And I am still struggling finishing my MBA. There is no more class to attend everyday, but there is a thesis to be done. Currently in my semester break, I am still thinking what kind of topic to research at. Hm. I need to meet my future supervisor to get some advice. 

Talking about MBA, it was an amazing journey. Even though not a smooth journey, but I enjoy the ride. Never have I imagine myself to have such a supportive friend. Honestly, I feel grateful that we crossed each other's path. (kasi love bebanyak cikeddd.) What I feel grateful the most is that THEY FEED ME! I used to starve myself. Eat? I can go days without eating because I think that I have lots other thing that is more important than eat. But they never failed to bring me food every day of class. They cant stand watching me, a thin, smol and sekeping figure. Eh you know, sometimes when they hug me, there is always "Ya Allah kecik nya budak ni. Sekeping nya dia niii." Hm. What to do? Hahahah. 

But, yah! Thank you for everything, my MBA-mates. From Kak Suki, Abe Haz, Kak Qila, Di, Fong, Haq, and Nanad. Thank you for this friendship, the bond that we have created since day 1. Thank you for being such a supportive classmate and a good friend. I am sorry for everything. Sorry for all harsh, and bad attitude from me. I am still learning to be a better person. I am truly sorry for everything. Halalkan makan, minum, ilmu, nasihat, dan everything. I owe you guys big time. I love you, kawan-kawan. Ada rezeki, let us gather together, ukieeee? Kiss cikedd. :*

From your left: Kak Qila, Abe Haz, Nanad, Di, Fong, Kak Suki, Haq, Vivi & Puteri, and Sir Fairuz

Adioss!



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Kerja Sambil Belajar?

Assalamualaikum!

Heyyaa!

Lamaaaa gilaaaaa tak update. Hahaha. Mujur takde loyal followers pun. ((ecehh bajet ada jee.))

As usual-lah kan. Lama tak update blog, so let's do a catch up first.

It's already January, 2019. How's my life so far?

After I finished my study last year, I took my own time off to plan, plot and think about my future. On what I wanna do in the future. In the mean time, I did a part time job somewhere in Cheras. At first, I want to work because I want to gain some money. But as time goes by, selepas bergaduh sana-sini sebab kerja part time and not a real job, I've decided. I work because I want to get experience, to build my soft skills. I'm doing a part time job because I want to start my career journey from the very bottom position available. I thought that if I start my career as an executive right after I finished my study, I will not survive due to zero experience and lack of soft skills. So, that's it.

Oh, I'm still doing that part time job now. But I guess only for a short time. Because after this I'm gonna pursue my postgrad study pulak. Itupun taktau macam mana nak survive. Hahaha.

Actually, I thought about study while working. Kiranya during weekdays I'm gonna attend my lecture class whatsoever, and work on weekend. Tapi taktau lagi. Ada yang membantah ni. Katanya nanti penat lah apa lah. Bagus apa kalau kerja sambil belajar. Lagi pulak sambung something related to management. Mana tau boleh apply those theory while working ke apa kan? At least I can contribute something to my workplace. Isnt?

Kena fikir masak-masak ni. Takut tak jadi apa pulak nanti.

Adios~

2036_29012019

365 of 365

It's the end of 2017!!!

It was such a roller-coaster yet fruitful year for me. I met a group of people that taught me to be better, people that inspired and motivated me to keep going on despite any falls (or ups) that comes through, and many more. 

Here, I dedicated my last page of 2017, to these people that gives such a great impact to my life. 

It was during my internship time. 3 months of internship. A short period of time, but it was such a gainful experience. I learned a lot of things, either directly or indirectly, and formally or informal. 

Me, being myself. An introvert girl, quiet and shy. I opened my heart to them. I told myself to not take into heart on whatever given/said/anything to me. I told myself to enjoy working there. I told myself to be strong all the time since many has told me that "as an intern, you are no one but their kuli, hamba, maid, anyone." (For this last point, I failed, sometimes.) 

I happened to meet a group of people that teach me about life, about how to survive in the real industry, on how to bawa diri everywhere you go. 

Yea, these people. Staffs of BKDA. A lot I gained from them (termasuklah gain weight. Heheh). There are 20 of them. 

Daripada mereka semua ni lah saya belajar how to handle things maturely and professionally.

Daripada mereka jugalah saya belajar how to be quick and calm at the same time. 

Mereka jugalah yang bertanggungjawab in helping me enhance my communication skills, help me boost my confidence level in front of a crowd. They are the one that triggered my soft skill that I never realised. 

Being part of the division, taught me to be kind, taught me to do good things tanpa mengharapkan balasan walaupun hanya sepatah ucapan 'Terima kasih' (I failed this too, often). 

Being part of the division, I have learned that even though people treated you like family, they makes you feel comfortable with the environment, YOU have to realize the border line between you and them (you guess it right, I failed this as well). 

To be in a division of communications requires you to communicate. Being part of the division, has taught me to communicate well with people withing your surrounding. 

If you really know me, you would know I get annoyed quickly with people that try to have prolonged conversation with me (yang baru kenal lah yg dah lama I tak kisah tak annoyed sangat dah). 

On my first day masuk BKDA (actually tak ingat sangat but I guess it was my first week dekat BKDA), the staffs were busy since ada event masa tu I tak ingat what is it. I was at my workstation, doing nothing. And one of the staffs came to me (nak berkenalan and get to know and be comfortable with each other since we are gonna work together). I thought it was just "Nama siapa?" "Daripada universiti mana?" "Ambik apa?". That's all. But no! The conversation continues. He asked me kenapa apply situ, either I want to be a PTD officer or not, and banyak lagi. 

Dan ianya berlarutan sampai beliau cerita about himself (in the scope of PTD officer, of course). 

You know what? Tak pernah lagi jumpa anyone yg willingly cerita pasal themselves, to me, on our first day meeting. It was my first time. As per myself, bukanlah I feel annoyed, cuma tak reti. I appreciated those yang borak with me banyak-2. But, I'm sorry. I am truly sorry because I tak reti nak show you that I am excited having someone to borak with me. I tried. I tried. Though it looks awkward. 

Dengan en Azreey, after the first day I met him, I feel cozy. Out of the blue, I become able to share almost anything with him. I try to control myself untuk tak selesa sangat. But it feels awkward and weird. I tried. And failed. 

I close to other staffs too. Like cik Sophia. *gambar di atas bukanlah cik Sophia* Level of closeness between me and cik Sophia, and me and en Azreey, jauh bezanya. 

Like en Azreey, she was among the first person that came to me, and talk to me, and makes me feel cozy with the surrounding. I spent most of my time in the office, in her room. Bragging to her about my day, about task that I receive (and also quarrel with en Azreey, in her room. Hehehe). I like to be with her. Banyak jugak cerita-cerita that I got from her, her experience. Banyak advise from cik Sophia that I could imply to improve myself. 

To the people that makes me feels like home. makes me feels belonged to the group. To the people that always advice me on any matters. Thank you for everything. Thank you for your appearance in my life. Thank you for the lessons I learned from all of you. Thank you for triggering me to do and be better. Thank you for the memories. So long and farewell! 

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